A man went to police station to file a report for his missing wife.
Man: I lost my wife (misty)
Inspector: What is her height?
Man: I never noticed.
Inspector: Slim or healthy?
Man: Not slim, can be healthy.
Inspector: Colour of eyes?
Man: Never noticed.
Inspector: Colour of hair?
Man: Changes according to season.
Inspector: What was she wearing?
Man: I don’t remember exactly.
Inspector: Was somebody with her?
Man: Yes my Labrador dog, Romeo, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together… And the man started crying.
Inspector: Let us search for the dog first!
Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else!
Why were the horses so happy?
Because they lived in a stable environment!
Teacher: “What is the chemical formula for water?”
Student: “HIJKLMNO.”
Teacher: “What are you talking about?”
Student: “Yesterday, you said it’s H to O!”
My friend is making an absolute fortune by selling pictures of salmon dressed up in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel!
How do construction workers party?
They raise the roof!
Two husbands, Bill and Doug, were discussing their married lives.
Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes.
Then Bill said, “I’ve made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word.”
“Wow!” said Doug, “How do you manage that?”
“It’s easy,” replied Bill. “My last words are always ‘Yes, Dear!'”
Q: How did the bee hurt his back?
A: He fell off his honey!
I use artificial sweetener at work.
I add it to everything I say to my boss!
Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner. “Mommy, how old are you?” she asked.
“Now dear,” said her mother, “You should never ask a woman what her age is.”
“Why not?” demanded Jenny.
“Because it isn’t polite. You’ll understand better when you grow up.”
Jenny thought about it for a moment, then piped up, “Mommy, how much do you weigh?”
“Jenny,” said her mother, “That’s not a question you ask people.”
“Why not?” demanded Jenny.
“Because it’s not polite to ask grown-ups about how much they weigh. You’ll understand some day.”
“Mommy,” Jenny asked, “Why did you and Daddy get divorced?”
“Darling,” her mother replied with a sigh, “That’s something that’s still very painful for Mommy and I really can’t talk about it now. I’ll explain when you are a little older.”
The next day, Jenny told a friend at school about the conversation with her mother. The other little girl explained to her, “All you have to do is get a look at your mom’s driver’s license. It has all the information about any grown-up you want on it.”
So little Jenny sneaked a peek in her mother’s purse when she got home, and looked over her license, examining it carefully. That evening, she went back into the kitchen and announced, “I know how old you are, Mommy, You are 36!”
Her mother looked down at her, surprised. “And I know how much you weigh!” said Jenny. “You weigh 135 pounds.” “Jenny, where did you learn this?”, her mother asked. Jenny just smiled and continued, “And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce.” Her mother just gasped and asked, “Why?”
Jenny replied, “Because you were pathetic in bed!”
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