Safe schools begin with adults noticing bullying signs

 A child should never have to wait for harm to become unmistakable before someone notices and acts.

From Malik Ismail

A student in a hostel is told to fetch water for a senior after lights out. Another is expected to wait until everyone else has taken their bath. A third is mocked in front of the dormitory. He laughs with the others, although he is embarrassed, because he fears that objecting will make him a target again.

To an adult passing by, these may seem like unrelated moments. To a younger student, they can form a pattern. Someone else decides what you must do, when you may say no and whether your discomfort matters.

Bullying does not always announce itself through a fight. It can develop through repeated demands, jokes and small acts of control that become familiar to everyone around them. This is why a school’s response cannot begin only when an incident becomes severe. It begins with noticing what students have learned to accept.

When seniority becomes authority

Older students can do much to make newcomers feel welcome. They can explain routines, offer friendship and help a child adjust to life away from home. These are valuable parts of hostel life. The boundary is crossed when a senior begins to act as though age or experience gives them authority over another student’s time, belongings or dignity.

But the word “tradition” should never settle the question of whether a practice is acceptable. An errand may appear harmless, but could the junior refuse it? A nickname may draw laughter, but does the child who hears it every day find it funny? When students begin to treat informal power as permission to control others, who notices and intervenes?

The answer cannot be left to a frightened junior. Schools should state the boundary before it is crossed – seniors may guide, but they may not command, punish, humiliate or hurt. When a credible concern is raised, adults must establish the facts fairly and act on what they find. Zero tolerance is credible only when the rule is taught, applied consistently, and followed through.

The courage to report should be met with action

The education ministry has issued guidelines for managing bullying and provided an official complaints portal. The responsibility now falls on principals and headmasters to make those measures work in the daily life of each school and hostel. A child deciding whether to speak up is unlikely to think first about a guideline. The question is more immediate: Will telling someone make things worse for me?

The first adult to hear a concern may be a teacher, counsellor, warden, religious educator or parent. That adult should listen without dismissing the account as teasing, check whether the child is safe and ensure the concern reaches someone who can act. The principal or headmaster must ensure that the concern is recorded, examined fairly and addressed with appropriate protection.

That protection matters during the inquiry and afterwards. A child may face pressure to withdraw a complaint or fear returning to the same dormitory. Someone should check back privately to find out whether the intimidation has stopped. Students also need more than one trusted route to report a concern; no child should have to approach the person they fear.

Trust is built when a child sees what happens after speaking up – an adult listens, the school acts and someone returns to ask whether the child is safe.

Every adult has a part

Clear boundaries should be explained to students, parents and staff before hostel life begins, then reinforced throughout the year. Helping a newcomer is welcome. Personal errands imposed by seniors, private punishments, humiliating rituals, taking belongings and unwanted physical contact are not.

Principals set the expectation, but they cannot carry it alone. Wardens see students outside the classroom and may notice changes in sleep, friendships or behaviour. Teachers may see a child withdraw or struggle to concentrate. Counsellors can offer a private place to talk and help plan support. Prefects can model responsible leadership rather than enforce unofficial rules. Religious teachers and other trusted adults can reinforce the same message in their daily conversations with students.

Each adult needs to know when and how to pass on a concern. No one should assume that someone else has already done so.

This requires preparation, not simply a written policy. Training for educators, counsellors, wardens and school leaders should cover bullying, child development, trauma and the realities of residential life. Professional programmes can help them practise difficult conversations and coordinated responses. Knowing that a child should be heard is one thing; knowing how to listen when that child is frightened is another.

What we have learned to overlook

Children arrive at school with different experiences of respect and authority. Some are used to polite disagreement and clear personal boundaries. Others may have encountered harsh language or behaviour so often that it feels familiar. These differences are not grounds for judging children or their families. They are reasons to teach, demonstrate and uphold respectful conduct for everyone.

Adults, too, may remember rough experiences from their school days and believe those experiences made them stronger. A former student may look back fondly on a hostel ritual that a newcomer finds distressing. We can value the friendships that grow in schools without requiring today’s children to endure whatever previous generations endured. Traditions should be judged by whether they welcome and support students.

Parents can help by listening and not rushing to minimise or dramatise a child’s account. Ask what happened, whether it has happened before, and whether the child feels safe returning. Students who witness bullying should know they can alert an adult without having to confront a group alone.

A fair response also has room for the student who caused harm. The behaviour must stop, the affected child must be protected, and consequences must be appropriate. The student responsible may need guidance to understand the harm and change their conduct. Supporting that change does not lessen the school’s duty to protect the child who was hurt.

The strength of a school or hostel is often revealed before a crisis – a junior can decline an unreasonable request; a warden notices that a student has grown quiet; a teacher takes a troubling account seriously; a principal asks whether the child is still safe a week later.

These are ordinary acts of attention, carried through with responsibility. They are how adults make a rule against bullying meaningful, especially when small acts of intimidation happen again and again. A child should never have to wait for harm to become unmistakable before someone notices and acts. - FMT

Malik Ismail is a senior honorary lecturer in education and senior research fellow in the Community Engagement Division at Universiti Sains Malaysia.

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.