How to win: lessons for a PM and an angry teacher

 

The general election is upon us. The campaigning hasn’t begun officially (though it’s begun financially) but the silly season has started. Brace yourself.

If this election stuff bores you, you can take an extended vacation, say in the US. Ooops strike that: they have mid-term elections in November, and their own silly season is just as bad as ours, or worse if you throw in random gun violence.

The UK is no good either. The scheduled elections are a few years away (the UK follows our parliamentary system…) but the way they change their prime ministers – they’re almost as good as Malaysia at this – there could be elections any time there too.

You can try Singapore instead. They had their elections recently and aren’t likely to have another anytime soon, unless there’s a major falling out among the scions of the ruling dynasty there. But hey, who can afford to go to Singapore anyway?

So, we’re stuck here. But it’s not all bad. In many parts of the country, you can now get free bags of rice as signs of care and goodwill from our leaders. Maybe bags of sugar too – any goodies which are domestic and price-controlled.

I’m pretty well stocked-up with carbohydrates at home, so no thank you Sirs! But if you tempt me with angpows stuffed with US Dollars, or even Singaporean ones, well, we’ll see.

Money, money, money

In other news, the prime minister said the government is forgiving a few hundred million of unpaid loans from some farmers. He also threw in a few hundred million of subsidies here and there.

Hey, what is a few hundred million among friends? It’s not as if it’s coming from the pockets of their own next seven generations is it? It’s coming out from ours.

Now, technically, he’s no longer the prime minister, as Parliament has been dissolved. He’s instead the caretaker prime minister, or CPM…oh strike that too, a rather unfortunate set of initials. Let’s call him PM (C) instead.

A brilliant strategy

A PM (C) isn’t supposed to make policy decisions such as these, but who would dare to force him to rescind them? They’d incur the wrath of hundreds of thousands of poor Keluarga Malaysia family members, who’d remember it at the polling booth.

So, it’s a brilliant election strategy, albeit a rather common one. As far as integrity and honesty and good governance is concerned…it’s a brilliant election strategy!

An unfortunate consequence of this loan forgiveness is the perpetuation of the mentality that in politics there’s a lack of consequences. Out here in the real world, banks (or Ah Longs, or chettiars) never forgive any loans, no matter who you promise to vote for.

Hence every time these fortunate (and highly subsidised) fellow Keluarga Malaysians meet the real world, they get whacked and run back to the warm forgiving embrace of our politicians, creating a dangerous dependence…unless that’s the whole objective in the first place.

Dealing with the curriculum

On a related front, a hapless primary school maths teacher who’s rather overzealous (or conscientious, take your pick) got into trouble for voicing his concerns about some issues relating to the school curriculum.

Now in Malaysia the curriculum is a sensitive matter, being the product of big powerful people and expensive consultants, and amounts to a KPI that the underlings – teachers – must deliver at whatever cost.

Two lessons to be learnt here:

Lesson 1 – if you want to buck the bureaucracy, do it on social media and close to an election. Either the kind Keluarga Malaysia parents will forgive you, or the Opposition will make you their candidate and you could soon be in another room full of unruly, uneducated children – the Dewan Rakyat.

Lesson 2 – somebody somewhere running a private school should hire that guy. Of course, he’s weird and probably disruptive, but what can you expect of a maths teacher? Otherwise, after the election his bosses will exact revenge, and he’ll be a teacher in Ulu Sarawak for the rest of his life. He needs saving.

More money and the monsoon

Otherwise, the political drama is getting more frenetic. For once, there’s no clear indication which party, or coalition of parties, will win this time. That the popular vote will be against the ruling parties is quite certain, although it’s less clear as far as seats are concerned.

With everything to win, and hence everything to lose, expect the usual – money will be spent like there’s no tomorrow, sentiments, especially racial and religious, will be played to the max, and for once, the weather could really play a big role.

Apparently some politicians care about sorting out the uncertainties and instabilities of the current political situation, hence their calls for a quick election. And apparently some other politicians care about the impending monsoon that could endanger the rakyat, hence their own calls to delay it.

I can only hope that what will happen will be good for the good ones, and will be bad for the bad ones. But unfortunately, my prayers don’t get answered very often. Luckily the prayers of many others also don’t get answered, so it’s not just me.

Ready for the floods

For those who live in areas which are known to have serious flooding during the monsoon, especially those in the interior such as the peninsular east coast, Sabah, Langkawi, Shah Alam and all points in between, please prepare.

During the floods, look out for snakes, crocodiles and leeches which will come to infest your kampungs and towns. They bring gifts and angpows and promises and even subsidies and loan forgiveness, but they’re toxic and deadly.

Be careful of the many reptiles likely to be displaced by the floods too. While they, too, can be toxic and deadly, they’re as much victims of the weather as we are, so deserve some compassion.

Do be kind to dumb animals, but please don’t carry that too far. - FMT

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.