SUNDAY JOKES - 128

 

An old man lived alone in Cameron Highlands. He wanted to plough his potato garden but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Bubba

 

At 4 a.m. the next morning, the local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad:

Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the current circumstances.

Love, Bubba

A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?"

"Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family!"

 

Johnny's mother sees the young boy tiptoeing down the hall with a bucket of water.
She asks, "Johnny, why are you tiptoeing around with a bucket of water?"

Johnny answers, "Dad asked me to quietly wake him at five!"

 

My wallet is like an onion.
When I open it, it makes me cry!

 

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.

But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and doesn't appear to realize you set it free...

You either married it or gave birth to it!!!

On his first day back to work after the birth of his son, Randy's supervisor said, "I understand you have a new youngster at your house?"
Randy glanced around apprehensively, "For heaven's sake, you can't hear him all the way out here, can you?"

Health care costs are rising uncontrollably across the world. Everywhere, taxes have been on the rise just to pay for them.

In England, they have begun rationing health care services and in some cases,, they have waiting lists for services just to reduce costs even more. In fact, they now have a nine-month waiting list for abortions!

 

A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client. 

A note was attached that stated: "This bill is one year old."
By return mail the lawyer had his bill back. 

To it was attached a card which read: "Happy Birthday!!!" 

It was like falling in love with a girl who was just throwing up all over herself - softly holding her hair back and whispering to her that everything was going to be alright. To me, that's what the last eight years were like here in Malaysia: projectile vomiting all over yourself as the rest of the world rubbed your back, saying, Sssshhh, that's it. Let it all out!!!

 

There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farmhand working with him to help castrate his sheep.
As the farmer castrated the first sheep, the French farmhand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash.

"No!" yelled the farmer, "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries!"

The farmhand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them up for supper. This went on for three days....and each evening they had Sheep Fries for supper.
On the fourth night the farmer came in to the house for supper.
He asked his wife where the farmhand was, and she replied, "It's the strangest thing! When he came in and asked what was for supper, I told him French Fries, and he ran like hell!"

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