A woman
was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping centre. Her arms were laden with
a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it
was obvious she was in an extreme hurry and was not happy about the slowness of
the line. When the cashier called
for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well,
I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Easter!"
"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the
clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom,
you'll be home in no time!"
My
boyfriend and I met on the internet.
My
mother asked him what line he used on me and my boyfriend replied, "I just
used a modem!"
There were
two customers in a Cafe.
As
the waiter approached them, the first customer said: "I'll have coffee."
The
second customer, who was snooty, said: "Coffee for me, too. And make sure
that the cup is clean!"
The
waiter returns with the coffee after a while and says: "Two coffees as you
ordered. Which one of you wanted the clean cup?"
If I
were a transplant surgeon, I'd give my heart to you!
A gorilla walks into a bar and says, "A
scotch on the rocks, please." The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill.
The
bartender thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know the prices of
drinks," and gives him 15 cents change.
The
bartender says, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here."
The gorilla replies, "Well, at $9.85 a
drink, I am not coming back, either!"
Did it
hurt?
When
you fell out of heaven?
How is a
snail stronger than an elephant?
Because
an elephant carries his trunk, but a snail carries his house!
Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband).
All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh, my God, your husband
is home! What am I going to do?"
"Just stay in bed with me. He's probably
so drunk, he isn't going to notice you here with me." The fear of getting
caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in
bed with Marge, so he trusted her advice. Sure enough, Marge's husband came
crawling into bed and as he pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets,
exposing six feet.
"Honey!" he yelled. "What the
hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!"
"Dear,
you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again."
Honey!"
he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the
bed!"
"Dear,
you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again."
The husband got out of bed, and counted. "One, two, three, four... By gosh, you're right, my dear!"
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