THURSDAY JOKES - 128

 

A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping centre. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in an extreme hurry and was not happy about the slowness of the line. When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Easter!"

"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom, you'll be home in no time!"

 

My boyfriend and I met on the internet. 

My mother asked him what line he used on me and my boyfriend replied, "I just used a modem!"

 

There were two customers in a Cafe.
As the waiter approached them, the first customer said: "I'll have coffee."
The second customer, who was snooty, said: "Coffee for me, too. And make sure that the cup is clean!"
The waiter returns with the coffee after a while and says: "Two coffees as you ordered. Which one of you wanted the clean cup?"

If I were a transplant surgeon, I'd give my heart to you!

 

A gorilla walks into a bar and says, "A scotch on the rocks, please." The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill.
The bartender thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know the prices of drinks," and gives him 15 cents change.
The bartender says, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here."

The gorilla replies, "Well, at $9.85 a drink, I am not coming back, either!"

Did it hurt? 

When you fell out of heaven?

 

How is a snail stronger than an elephant?
Because an elephant carries his trunk, but a snail carries his house!

 

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband). All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?"

"Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he isn't going to notice you here with me." The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in bed with Marge, so he trusted her advice. Sure enough, Marge's husband came crawling into bed and as he pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets, exposing six feet.

"Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!"
"Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again."
Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!"
"Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again."

The husband got out of bed, and counted. "One, two, three, four... By gosh, you're right, my dear!"

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