TUESDAY JOKES - 131

 

A blind man was describing his favourite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog."

"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered.

"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. 

He quickly answered: "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack!"

 

Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?

She will let it go!

Why did the ball leave the party early?
He was on a roll!

Guy walks into a bar and says, "Quick, give me three shots of your finest whiskey!"
The bartender pours the shots and the man downs them as quickly as he can.
Bartender says, "What was that about?" Guy says,
"You'd do the same if you had what I have."
Bartender: "What's that?"

Guy: "a ringgit!"

What did the US rugby coach say to the broken vending machine?

Give me my quarterback!

Mr. Smythe had been giving his second-grade students a short lesson on science. He had explained about magnets and showed them how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. And now it was question time....
"Class," he said, "my name begins with the letter 'M,' and I pick up things....What am I?"

A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother!"

Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
There are too many cheetahs!

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect and they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge, enormous bear on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is kind of surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive but she decides not to mention this to him and is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, 'Well, how was it?'

The man says, 'You can have any prize from the bottom shelf!'

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