SATURDAY JOKES - 129

 

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer looked into the distance and warmed to his task.
“Once, I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India,” he began: “I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly, the largest tiger I've ever seen in my life leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find my gun bearer had fled. The tiger leaped toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."
“Under those circumstances, sir, I think anyone would have done the same," the reporter said.

The old explorer replied: "No, not then - just now when I went 'ROARRRR!!!'

 

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood."
The second one says, "I'll have one, too."
The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma."
The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"

A golfer walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golfer.

"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.

 

“I always believed my body was a prison for me. 

I was right, in biology I learnt they were made of cells!”

Guy walks into a bar and says, "Quick, give me three shots of your finest whiskey!"
The bartender pours the shots and the man downs them as quickly as he can.

Bartender says, "What was that about?" 

Guy says, "You'd do the same if you had what I have."

Bartender: "What's that?"

Guy says, "Wife!!!"

 

A man and a woman are in a supermarket. They are standing in
front of the water aisle.
The man wonders aloud, "Who would buy all this expensive
Evian water anyway?"

The woman says, "Evian... It's naive spelled backwards!"

 

Farmer picks up an American Indian hitch-hiking. 

The Indian is a man of few words but eventually looks at the brown paper bag in between them and asks, "Mmm, What in bag?" 

The farmer says, "It's a bottle of wine that I got for my wife". 

Indian thinks for a second and say, "Mmm, good trade".

 

A mathematician, a statistician and an accountant apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What does two plus two equal?"
The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the statistician and asks the same question "What does two plus two equal?" The statistician says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and poses the same question "What does two plus two equal?"

The accountant gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal to?"

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