TUESDAY JOKES - 129

 

Two Irish nuns, who have just arrived in the US, are hungry and one says to the other, "I have heard that the Americans actually eat dogs. "That's strange," the other nun replied, "but if we are to live here, might as well do as the Americans do". Agreeing to this, the first nun notices a hot dog vendor and they both decide to have hot dogs.

They ordered for two hot-dogs and as soon as the vendor gave it to them, they hurriedly found a bench to savour the American food. The first nun took out her hot-dog from the foil, stared at it for a while and whispered to the other nun, "Which part did you get?"

 

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and me together!

 

An independent voter was exploring the candidates and their parties.

He asked a campaigner of a party, "who represents a candidate?" The campaigner answered, "Donkey".

The voter asked a campaigner of another party the same question.
The campaigner answered, "Elephant".
The voter then asked his wife, "who should I vote for - Donkey or Elephant?"

The wife suggested, "either one; both are same - animals!"

 

Are you from Starbucks? 

Because I like you a latte!

 

My family has a tradition of naming the cruise control on our cars. We were used to hearing my father proclaim, “Take it, Max,” as he flipped on the cruise control during long trips in our station wagon.

Recently, I was travelling with my parents in their new car when we hit a wide-open expanse of the highway. My dad leaned back and said, “I think I'll let Tom drive for a while.”

“Tom who?” I asked.

My mother translated for me: “Tom Cruise, of course!”

 

Do you like vegetables? 

Because I love you from my head tomatoes!

 

Are you a banana? 

Because I find you a peeling!

 

It was the kindergarten teacher's birthday and the students decided that they would each buy their teacher a gift.

The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present. She held it and said "I guess that it is flowers".

"How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She laughed and thanked him.
The second student, whose parents own a candy store, gave her a present. She held it and said, "I guess that is some candy."
"How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She again laughed and thanked him also.

The third student, whose parents own a liquor shop, gave her a box which was leaking. The teacher touched the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Mmmmm, is it wine?" she asked. "No," said the little girl.

So she tasted it again. "Is it champaigne?" she asked.

"No," replied the little girl, "It is a puppy!!!

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