There
are many reasons why people find it difficult to make decisions at various
points in their life. Or if they do make decisions, why they sometime find it
difficult to stick to them and follow through with appropriate actions.
There are the six main reasons for our
indecision:
Paralysis by analysis
It is rare that we have all the facts necessary to make decisions that
will affect our future (especially big decisions) and so we can become
indecisive. This can be especially relevant to those folks who have a
propensity to over-analyse, falling into paralysis by analysis.
Limiting
beliefs
But even if we do have all the facts, we can often remain indecisive
because we have become locked into the past; past people, past events, past
patterns and behaviours. This can create a feeling of not being able to let go
and so not being able to make that important decision. Connected to this is
when people believe themselves to be dependent on others and so feel they
cannot make independent decisions. This is a really debilitating state to be in
and is derived from our limiting beliefs. Our limiting beliefs are those
beliefs we hold that are no longer empowering us.
Distractions
For others there is a tendency to find distractions as a means of not
having to make a decision. Unfortunately, these great distractors are likely to
end up having a decision forced upon them for good or ill.
Laziness
However, sometimes people find it difficult to make a decision simply
through laziness. This can be as simple as people not wanting to be put out in
any way, or being unwilling to step outside their comfort zone. So, it is
easier to make no decision than it is to commit to a course of action. It is
important to realise that making no decision is a decision in its own right, just
not a very proactive and positive decision.
Stress and anxiety
Making decisions, especially if they are big ones, can be very
stressful. Anxiety can lead us to shut down, thus we feel unable to make a
decision. It is important we recognise just how much emotions influence our
decision-making process. For more clarity it will be important to change your
emotional state.
Lack of purpose
But for many, the difficulties around decision making are more to do
with a lack of clarity on their purpose or direction, and so no clear sense of
what the decision should be and not knowing where you want the decision to take
you.
HOW TO STOP BEING INDECISIVE
Pay attention to your emotions
You have likely heard the advice to “trust your gut.” But if it were
that easy, you would not be hemming and hawing over decisions. Trusting your
gut is no different from trusting your emotions - so start there.
Your emotions are a guidepost. Anxiety is your body’s attempt to
direct you back to yourself so you can receive information that is more
accurate. When we act impulsively or react quickly, very often this information
is tainted with fear.
Take your time
We might associate being decisive with choosing quickly, but research
shows that taking a pause can result in a better decision. When making
decisions, check your ‘sense of urgency meter’ - the feeling you must do
something now.
Taking your time can save you - literally - if the decision you are
making is related to a large purchase, like when buying a car. Do not let the
salesperson’s tactics force your hand. They may use techniques to play to your
emotions and make you believe this is the last time you may ever get this deal
- do not fall for it, and do not let the urgency build.
If it is high - and you are unable to focus on anything else and feeling
on edge - anxiety has likely kicked in. This is a red flag to step away from
the decision for now. Excessive worry and fear actually cloud your judgement
and often result in faulty decisions made in haste. Go for a walk or do an
activity you enjoy to distract yourself before making a snap decision.
Think strategically
Perhaps you are more of a logical thinker than one to “feel through” a
decision. There are several strategies to promote clarity, such as thinking in
a different language - if you happen to speak another - or consider the
situation as a third party. Each of these strategies works to help remove emotion
and gives clarify to your understanding of the situation.”
Even something as seemingly benign as a well-lit room can affect
decision making. A study showed that our emotions are more intense when we
are exposed to brightness.
Gathering information is knowing more about the issue you are facing,
which should give you more confidence. The other part is understanding what is
driving your belief system.
Knowing everything you can about the situation you face - as well as
yourself - will give you the confidence that you are making the right decision.
Ask who you are trying to please
Many times, the decisions we make do not affect us alone. One of the
reasons that people are indecisive is because they are trying to please more
than one person at the same time. You may be trying to make decisions that will
advance your career, or a decision a spouse or parent will be proud of, but it
is not the way you have wanted your life to go. Decisions will not come easily
because you are serving two masters - or trying to.”
Understanding your motivations and whom you might please or disappoint
as a result of your decision - and weighing those outcomes - will help you move
forward in the process.
Banish your perfectionist mindset
Some people are paralyzed by a fear of failing. We are afraid we will
fail and lose something - usually time, effort, and/or money - or we are afraid
we will succeed, not be ready for what happens next, and then fail.
Having a perfectionist mindset - the belief that we must have everything
figured out all at once and that there cannot be any room for mistakes - is the
root of these fears.
The solution? Replace the perfectionist mindset with the
belief that errors and mistakes are bound to happen. When you account for
the fact that there will always be hiccups and setbacks no matter what
decisions you make, you can plan for them and be more prepared when they
inevitably arise.
Let go of bad decision
The majority of indecisive people struggle to let go of past mistakes.
Failure after failure grooms them to second guess, over-analyze and thoroughly
dissect every decision they make. Eventually, they become paralyzed every time
they are confronted with a decision.”
Build your trust in yourself by not only forgiving yourself for your
past mistakes and your poor decisions but also by acknowledging when you have
made a good decision in the past. Every decision is an opportunity to learn and
grow.”
After making your choice, continue the process by analyzing the
aftermath. Validate the decision, affirm the very act of making a decision, and
trust that whatever the outcome was, you did your best. Create a safe,
compassionate environment for yourself so that every decision does not carry
life-or-death or all-or-nothing outcomes.
Visualize possible outcomes
Another option is to envision what might come as a result of your
decision.
If you are the type who likes to see things on paper, use a journal to
work through a decision. You are encouraged to identifying the positives and
negatives, as well as to note any thoughts or feelings you might have as you
work through the process. If any anxiety spikes, take note of where and when
and why. Does one decision leave you feeling unsettled or anxious? Does another
decision leave you feeling hopeful, peaceful, or excited inside? This is
usually your inner voice giving you clues as to what decision is best for you.
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