A trans woman was charged in the Kelantan Syariah Court in Kota Bharu last month for allegedly violating the state’s syariah law, which criminalises changing one’s own gender.
If found guilty, the individual faces a maximum fine of RM3,000 and can also be imprisoned for up to two years.
Whilst it is believed that she was the first person in Malaysia to be prosecuted for undergoing sex reassignment surgery, such practice is not new to the country’s trans community and is said to have been happening since the 1970s, if not earlier.
In light of this case, several trans women who have undergone genital reconstruction surgery shared with Malaysiakini their life-changing experiences of going under the knife in pursuit of becoming what they believe is their true self.
These are their stories.
All names and other identifiers, such as the interviewees’ age and location, have been altered for security reasons.
Sabrina (in her 40s, cosmetics seller)
Living in an East Coast state of the peninsula, where the majority of the population is Malay-Muslim, is not an easy feat for a trans woman like Sabrina.
Being Malay and Muslim herself, she has faced considerable pressure and intimidation for following her instinct to live not according to the gender she was assigned at birth.
She was once kicked out of a mosque for trying to join the male congregation for prayer.
“Maybe even crazy people would not want to be a ‘mak nyah’,” Sabrina told Malaysiakini when recounting her ordeal, using the term that has been widely used to refer to trans women in the country.
“So, I have to always be wary and know my limits when going about my daily life. My movement has to be limited, I can’t just simply go everywhere and stay below the radar or otherwise risk being caught by authorities,” she said.
According to Sabrina, the first surgery she had was to enlarge her breasts about 20 years ago. It cost her about RM10,000 then.
She finally mustered the courage to go for a final, and permanent, transition in 2014.
However, the decision was not an easy one. Fighting with mixed feelings, Sabrina recounted that she even prayed to God to give her any sign if she should abort the plan.
“While I have already made up my mind, I really prayed. Even when I was walking to the operating theatre, I was hoping for signs to stop me from doing it.
“But at the moment, I felt really calm, and Alhamdulillah, all went well,” said the trans woman in her 40s.
Sabrina said she underwent the procedure at a clinic in Bangkok, Thailand, which charged her about RM25,000 for the sex reassignment surgery.
The surgery took about six hours, throughout which Sabrina was put under anaesthesia.
The real challenge came when the anaesthesia wore off later and the excruciating pain set in.
“My private part felt like it had been shredded with a knife, paired with a stiff feeling like it had been hit hard by a football.
“At the same time, it also felt like my private part had been caught in the door,” Sabrina said, adding that she had to stay at the clinic for observation for a week before continuing with ‘berpantang’ (post-operative care) at home for another three months.
Despite the pain and agony, Sabrina described the experience as the most beautiful moment in her life.
She said the transition had made her more mature and also turned her into a “shy person”.
“I feel free now. I think it’s because this is who I truly am, and I feel really comfortable like this. I was not influenced by anyone; I did this of my own volition.
“If my friends or anyone else asks for my opinion on whether they should go for it, I do not have the answer. Everyone should make their own decision, not to follow other people or just to show off,” Sabrina said.
Living as a trans woman in Malaysia, Sabrina said she realised that people like her would always have to face stigma and the risk of running into trouble with authorities, as the country’s laws do not favour trans people.
Sabrina also shared her dream to perform umrah in Mecca in the near future.
“I really wish I could go to Mecca to perform umrah. I want to pray in front of the Kaaba, InsyaAllah.
“But whether I will go there as a man or woman, I leave it to God,” she said.
Elly (in her 20s, hairdresser)
Whilst it took Sabrina years to make her full transition, another trans woman who identified herself as Elly said she decided to have the procedure done whilst holidaying in Hat Yai, Thailand, last year.
According to the hair salon assistant, she was also surprised by the sudden decision.
“I was on holiday, but I don’t know why I suddenly had this thought to get a sex reassignment surgery.
“Thus, I called a clinic there and made an appointment for the next day,” she told Malaysiakini.
Elly said she had always wanted to be a woman, and the decision to remove her penis was also due to the reproductive organ not working as it should, believed to be caused by hormone medications.
After medical checks, she was given a lengthy explanation about the procedure before being wheeled in for surgery.
It took about three hours, Elly said, after which she was kept under observation for 10 days before being allowed to go home.
She then continued to have post-surgery care for about two months before resuming normal life.
Asked about the costs, Elly said she paid the clinic RM23,000 for the surgery. On top of this, she also spent some money on post-operative care at home.
But Elly said her decision was not based solely on instinct. Instead, she had done some research and also sought advice, including from a psychiatrist.
“Perhaps that is why I was confident to go under the knife despite having gone to Hat Yai just for a holiday,” she added.
Asked to describe how her life has changed since, the woman in her 20s said she feels more confident and energetic now.
“I am aware that this is truly my own desire, one that has long been in line with my instincts. I feel more energised, at peace, and confident that this change represents my true self,” Elly said, adding that she has been keeping the surgery a secret from her family.
Kim Farisha (33, unemployed)
Meanwhile, Kim Farisha, a 33-year-old trans woman, said she had been facing gender confusion since childhood.
She told Malaysiakini that despite being born male, she had always believed that she was not.
However, Kim said she still had to live life as a male, including when she was sent to a tahfiz institution and later to an Islamic secondary school.
“I memorised several chapters of the Quran after studying at a tahfiz school. There, I was taught to place great importance on religion and education.
“Even now, I continue to practice my faith and serve as a Quran teacher for my nieces and nephews,” she said when asked about her background.
After finishing her secondary school education, Kim then started to make changes to her lifestyle, including cross-dressing and mingling with other trans women.
She became more active with the community whilst pursuing her bachelor’s degree at a local university.
The activities also landed her in trouble several times after being caught by authorities.
However, Kim said she was fortunate because all of the cases filed against her were eventually dropped.
Kim said she decided to transition three years ago in Hat Yai after serious deliberation.
She forked out about RM27,000 for the operation, which took about five hours.
“What matters most now is that I feel truly comfortable and I’m being my real self. I genuinely enjoy it.
“Because of that, I feel more self-love and take better care of my character and conduct.
“In the past, I wasn’t very embarrassed to do certain things - people didn’t know, and it didn’t feel like my true self. Now I have to be more mindful, because this is who I truly am,” she said.
Despite being unemployed, Kim’s daily routine remains busy as she takes care of her ailing father and helps her nieces and nephews with their schooling matters.
“I am focusing more on my family now. I also have plans to start my own business in the near future, and I hope to perform umrah with my family,” she said.
When asked about the possibility of facing restrictions in performing umrah due to her identity, Kim expressed confidence that the matter could be resolved.
“God willing, it will be possible. Our intention is to be guests of Allah. We go with our bodies and hearts as sincerely as possible,” she added. - Mkini
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