The 7 deadly sins of Malaysian cinemagoers

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There is no denying that Malaysians love going to the cinema.

What’s not to like about spending some two hours in an air-conditioned hall, munching on popcorn while seated comfortably watching the newest blockbuster?

It is a lovely way to spend a day or night out surrounded by one’s family and friends, just enjoying the time spent together.

However, everyone has their own personal horror story of having their movie time fun ruined by inconsiderate folks with deficiencies in the common sense department.

Here is the list of the demons you have to sometimes battle whenever you enter theatre halls:

1. The avid conversationalist

The advertisements have wrapped up, the curtain unfolds and the opening credits start rolling.

The first scene starts to play and the audience begins to process what is unfolding on screen.

Then, without warning, out of the silence, comes a remark about how Lisa just got a promotion and there ought to be a party thrown for her.

It goes without saying that if it is necessary (which in this case, it isn’t) to speak in the theatre, just whisper.

This type of cinemagoer however knows no auditory boundaries and wants the world to know every single detail about their personal lives.

2. The wannabe narrator

Ever watched David Attenborough’s nature documentaries? His voice is as smooth as silk and lulls listeners into a calm, comfortable state of mind suited for learning new facts about penguins.

Unfortunately for the rest of us cinemagoers, it is not Attenborough who will be narrating our movies for us, but rather an untalented wannabe with a grating voice.

A close relative of the conversationalist, the narrator is sometimes coupled with the confused partner, who somehow got lost along the way somewhere in the plot.

While it is not a crime to explain complicated plot details of a movie to a confused friend, there is a time and place for that.

And that time and place is not in the cinema when the film is still playing.

3. The irresponsible parent

There are great mysteries that have yet to be unravelled by us mortals.

Is there a divine power? Does the soul exist? Where do we go after death? Why do parents bring their underaged children to watch films they obviously would not understand?

Bringing a child to the theatre is not wrong per se; after all, children’s films cater to the younger demographic.

However, there is a slight problem when a parent brings their child to watch a film meant for older audiences, and the bored child decides to be louder than the film or walks back and forth aimlessly in front of the screen.

Seriously, parents, hiring a babysitter is an option. Either leave the kids at home or don’t go to the theatre at all.

4. The chair kicker/seat shaker

Like aeroplanes, leg space in movie theatres can be quite the luxury.

However, it does not give any excuse to those living, breathing annoyances who constantly shift in their seats and keep kneeing the backs of the seats before them.

And there is also an alternative to the chair kicker, the seat shaker.

Instead of annoying the person sitting in front of them, they irritate those sitting in the same, shared row of seats.

Shaking legs and constant tossing and turning will earn you no small number of dirty looks coming from the people sitting in the row, so stop doing it!

5. The handphone addict

Even now, despite the public service announcements politely informing cinemagoers to turn off their mobile phones before the movie starts, ringtones still blare out on occasion.

Is it sincerely that hard to switch a handphone to silent mode?

Even when expecting a call, it is not necessary to have one’s ringtone active when violent vibrations will do the job.

The even more annoying variant is the bored cinemagoer who gets more entertainment value out of their mobile phones than the movie they paid money to watch.

What exactly is the point of staying bored in the theatre, fidgeting with one’s phone?

6. The clown car

Ever seen a clown car act? It is a circus performance routine where an absurd number of clowns emerge from a car seemingly too small to hold them all.

Why go to the circus when you can catch it in Malaysian theatres?

Folks with clearly too tight a grip on their purses sometimes bundle more than one person, normally children, onto a single seat, likely resulting in seat kicking.

A smutty variant emerges when two lovebirds decide to get a little too intimate.

We are supposed to bring children to the theatre, not make them there!

7. The shameless recalcitrant

The worst of the lot, this is the person who does all of the above and is unashamed when called out.

They will choose to ignore the hushing and polite demands from others to stop their misbehaviour.

Without shame, they may even decide to go the extra mile by arguing with the people calling them out.

One can only wonder what sort of person they are in life, if they cannot even behave properly in a movie theatre for just two hours. - FMT