TUESDAY JOKES - 132

 

A blonde and a brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist.
The brunette asked why the rope was around her waist. The blonde said that she was trying to commit suicide.
The brunette said, "You put it around your neck!"
The blonde replied, "I tried that but I couldn't breathe!"

Do you play soccer, dear? 

Because you're a keeper!

Do you know what my shirt is made of? 

Boyfriend/girlfriend material!

Two happily married 60-year couple were on vacation when they came across a magic lamp. They rubbed it three times and out came a Jeanie. The Jeanie was willing to grant each person a single wish. The wife wished to travel around the world. Then "poof" a bunch of airline tickets showed up in her hands. The man thought about what he wanted to wish for.

He said to the Jeanie, "I wish my wife was thirty years younger than me." 

Then "poof" he turned into a 90-year-old man.

What is the moral of the story?

Be very careful about what you wish for!

Why is a government servant like a broken shotgun? 

It won't work and you can't fire it!

 

A man staggers into an emergency room of a hospital with two black eyes and a five-iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.

We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball........stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!!!"

 

Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?

A: A visitor!

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?

A: An interpreter!

Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?

A: A Space Invader!

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?

A: Branch Manager!

Q: What do you call a smart blond?

A: A golden retriever!

Q: What do you see when you look straight into a blonde's eyes?

A: The back of her head!

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