A bus
stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated
conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first
but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the
following: "Am come first. Then I come. Then two asses come together. I
come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
twice. Then I come one last time."
"You
foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country
we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey,
cool down lady," said the man. "Who's talking about sex? I am just
telling my friend how to spell "Mississippi!"
It is
nearing Diwali and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,
"What are you charged with?"
"Doing
my Diwali shopping early", replied the defendant.
"That's
no offence", said the judge. "How early were you doing this
shopping?"
"Before the store opened!"
A blonde was playing Trivial
Pursuit one night. When it was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on
"Science & Nature".
Her question was, "If you
are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?
She thought for some time and
then asked, "Is it on or off?"
A
couple are on a date at a fancy restaurant.
The woman
tells the man to say something to her that will get her heart racing.
He
says, "I forgot my wallet!"
A
prisoner who was given the capital punishment was getting ready to be hanged. A
prison official asked him if he would like a last smoke.
The
convict replied, "No thank you, I never smoke. I don't want to get lung
cancer!"
A man
walks into a bar and sees a good-looking woman sitting on a stool. He walks up
to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going?"
She
turns to him, looks deep into his eyes and says, "I'll screw anybody,
anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter!"
He says, "No
kidding! I'm a lawyer too. What law firm are you with?"
Let's
commit the perfect crime together.
I'll
steal your heart and you can steal mine!
One
fine afternoon at a golf course, two men were just finishing up the front nine
when they decided to take a breather in the clubhouse. They went up to the lounge
room and sat down and ordered a glass of beer. They started flipping through
the channels when they decided to watch the news. The first thing that was on
was a woman about to commit suicide.
The
first man says, "I bet you 100 ringgit that she is going to jump."
The
second man, says, "OK, but I raise your 100 to 200 ringgit saying she is
not going to jump."
About
four seconds after they were done making the bet, she leapt off the building,
falling 17 stories, she hit the ground with a bone crunching sound.
As the loser of the bet started
to get his wallet out of his back pocket the other man butted in to stop him.
"Listen,
I can't take your money, I saw this earlier today and I knew she was going to
jump."
"So did I," the man said, I just didn't think she was dumb enough to do it again!"
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