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THERE IS NO GOD EXCEPT ALLAH
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MALAYSIA Tanah Tumpah Darahku

LOVE MALAYSIA!!!


 


Tuesday, October 4, 2022

TUESDAY JOKES - 128

 


A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Am come first. Then I come. Then two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one last time." 

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" 

"Hey, cool down lady," said the man. "Who's talking about sex? I am just telling my friend how to spell "Mississippi!"

 

It is nearing Diwali and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Diwali shopping early", replied the defendant.

"That's no offence", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened!"


A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. When it was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature".
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?
She thought for some time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"


A couple are on a date at a fancy restaurant. 

The woman tells the man to say something to her that will get her heart racing. 

He says, "I forgot my wallet!"

 

A prisoner who was given the capital punishment was getting ready to be hanged. A prison official asked him if he would like a last smoke.

The convict replied, "No thank you, I never smoke. I don't want to get lung cancer!"

 

A man walks into a bar and sees a good-looking woman sitting on a stool. He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going?"

She turns to him, looks deep into his eyes and says, "I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter!" 

He says, "No kidding! I'm a lawyer too. What law firm are you with?"

  

Let's commit the perfect crime together. 

I'll steal your heart and you can steal mine!

 

One fine afternoon at a golf course, two men were just finishing up the front nine when they decided to take a breather in the clubhouse. They went up to the lounge room and sat down and ordered a glass of beer. They started flipping through the channels when they decided to watch the news. The first thing that was on was a woman about to commit suicide.

The first man says, "I bet you 100 ringgit that she is going to jump."

The second man, says, "OK, but I raise your 100 to 200 ringgit saying she is not going to jump."

About four seconds after they were done making the bet, she leapt off the building, falling 17 stories, she hit the ground with a bone crunching sound.
As the loser of the bet started to get his wallet out of his back pocket the other man butted in to stop him.

"Listen, I can't take your money, I saw this earlier today and I knew she was going to jump."

"So did I," the man said, I just didn't think she was dumb enough to do it again!"

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