Our twisted Malaysian society

We have become a twisted society because somewhere along the way, in our pursuit of position, power, and material wealth, we lost our fundamental values.

Some of the feedback from two videos I made about the volleyball coach who slapped two players is disturbing. Their comments do not necessarily reflect the true nature of society, but it is worrying to note that little consideration is given to girls and women. In many ways, women are treated as fourth-class citizens.

One man said, "The coach only lightly brushed the girls' faces. It wasn't a real slap. Nothing to worry about."

His remarks remind us of the daft, former deputy minister for women, PAS' Siti Zailah Mohd Yusoff, who encouraged husbands to "lightly beat" their 'stubborn wives' to discipline them, during the pandemic.

Another man said, "What's your problem? It's a small issue. The girls' parents think it's normal, why should you be a busybody?"

The feedback from one person was that the father of one of the girls who had been slapped had not noticed any injuries on his daughter's face, and therefore, I should not make a big deal of the matter.

None of them mentioned the disrespect to the girls, their loss of self-confidence, that they looked distraught, the possibility of delayed depression and that mental scars are invisible.

Two years ago, a friend's 10-year-old daughter was slapped by her English tutor. She is homeschooled but now has PTSD with mental blocks whenever she learns English.

Another person who left feedback for the video said, "At least the players had the decency to wear tudung. What about you?" Ouch!

He failed to mention the violence of the coach lashing out at the girls, and the possible psychological trauma of the young girls after they were humiliated in public.

Sad reflection of our society

Would the coach have slapped a teenage boy, who is twice as big, and towering head and shoulders above him?

The slapping incident is a sad reflection of our society and if this incident is not properly resolved, it will lead to worse things. Perhaps it already has.

Our failure to criticise those in the wrong and the reluctance of previous administrations to properly punish the perpetrators has led us to this sorry stage in Malaysia, where assault, violence and theft have all become normalised.

When I urged a mother to stop slapping her children and insulting them in front of others, I was told that I was too soft. I learnt that she had been frequently slapped by her own mother as a child and I wonder if her own children will do the same when they are adults. The victim becomes the perpetrator, in the cycle of abuse.

When I discussed with a group of Malays that the convicted felon, Najib Abdul Razak, was corrupt and had stolen the rakyat's money, I was told, "Tak pe. Sikit sahaja. Biar lah orang Melayu nak merasa jadi kaya." (It's alright, It's just a small amount. Let the Malay enjoy what it's like to be rich.)

This man reminds us of the father who is more concerned about the coach's well-being, than his daughter who had been slapped.

When I wanted to confirm if an acquaintance was a victim of domestic violence and suggested that she should seek help if it was true, I was warned not to bring shame on her family by lodging a report. Why do we keep protecting the abuser?

Making light of violence

In the slapping incident, both coach and father have unwittingly given the green light for others to hit out at girls and women.

More importantly, both men had dismissed and then made light of the violence. Sometimes, we wonder about the violence some women may suffer in the privacy of their own homes.

Would the coach have apologised if not for the relentless public outrage? To suggest that he wanted to 'fire their spirit' and motivate the players is no justification for violence.

One father was worried about the coach's professional future and that he might not be retained as a volleyball coach. He was grateful to the coach for selecting his daughter to represent the state. Incredibly, he said he was not unduly concerned about the slap, as his daughter had not sustained any injuries.

Would the father only care if his daughter's jaw had been dislocated? Would he or his wife have said anything if one of their sons had been assaulted by the coach?

A coach does not just teach his players the relevant tactics, manoeuvres and skills, because, amongst his wide range of duties, he must demonstrate a responsible attitude, talk about sportsmanship, and the importance of emotional control.

He will have taught them about setting goals, teamwork, and handling fear and failure. He will be monitoring his players’ performance with encouragement and constructive feedback and warning them that in every competition, some will win, and others will lose.

He must impress upon them that they must win with humility and lose with grace. A coach should lead by example and teach them about fair play.

Research has shown that there is a link between playing sports and self-esteem in children.

So, if sports can change one's life and improve children's emotional well-being, then this coach has clearly failed in his responsibilities.

Coaches who have overstepped the mark and abused their authority must be punished. - Mkini

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MARIAM MOKHTAR is a defender of the truth, the admiral-general of the Green Bean Army, and president of the Perak Liberation Organisation (PLO). Blog, Twitter.

The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of MMKtT.