Tears flow over sorry state of affairs

SATIRE: Dear Datuk Seri, Tears rolled down my cheeks as I started writing this. How could a man of your stature and wealth be reduced to going around with a begging bowl for expenses? I am in no position to help. Although you gave me several contracts, I am no longer having a bank account with a hefty balance.

This letter comes from a mountain retreat – a monastery – where I am not exactly atoning for my past debaucheries and turpitudes. I am in hiding on the pretext of meditating. I am supposed to be cut off from modern-day trappings like mobile phones and access to the Internet, but there’s nothing money cannot buy.

Remember? You told us all that cash is king!

You will recall the sadhu (sage) whom I had brought to bless you and Datin Seri at your home on several occasions? He was the lomg-haired and bearded man who threw sea-shells and foresaw the future for both of you. He should not be mistaken for the bald-bearded and bare-bodied priest who carried out the prayers and made the offerings on your behalf.

Unlike many fair-weathered friends, they have not abandoned nor forgotten me. I had previously given them excellent introductions and good “business” from your family and other VIPs. In a form of retribution, they have provided me a safe haven.

Hence, I am for the moment safe in this sanctuary – away from the debt collectors; the numerous deals which went sour; scores of people I short-changed; the contractors I refused to pay; and hundreds of unpaid workers.

For a while, the lenders paid for six bodyguards to make sure that I remain alive and kicking. They believed that I will eventually re-pay the loans with interest. When they realised they can’t expect anything from me, they terminated their services and left me to the dogs.

Our mutual friend – Peter – in Jakarta wasn’t helpful either. I called him for help and money. He didn’t want to risk landing his private jet in Malaysia. The pilots did not want a repeat of the May 12 events on the tarmac of the Subang airport. He said the mutual moneychanger we all had used had been arrested and is singing like a canary giving explicit details of our dealings, especially Datin Seri’s.

Instead I was compelled to take a commercial flight – heavily disguised and seated in cattle class. I was worried that the peasants in the aircraft would recognise me because of my height. However, I came away unscathed and unrecognised.

Before I left, I was touched reading about the gesture by two ladies who gave their gold bracelets towards your legal fund.

Last night, I was saddened to read about another fund-raising effort. I was wondering why you do not want to seek from the Legal Aid Bureau. After all, it was set up to help those who can’t afford legal fees.

Lawyers don’t come cheap and I should know better. I have not paid two lawyers fees in the region of RM1 million who helped stave off bankruptcy proceedings. Some will demand money upfront before even sitting and talking to you.

I presume they will be knocking on my doors but if I was around, I would unchain my ferocious bulldogs. Datuk Seri, many lawyers got so many briefs to prepare (lop-sided) contract documents. Shouldn’t they step forward and do pro bono work for you.

Datuk Seri, where are the friends who accepted handouts from you? Like a fairy, you had given money like candies to them.What about that CGPA 3.8 fellow from Johor? He admitted to receiving a couple of million and how he pretends not to know your plight. I know that you gave about RM10 million to a hot-shot lawyer to buy a house for his friend. Recall that loan.

But on the other hand, many cronies may not want to flaunt their wealth. With all eyes on money laundering and other illegal activities, they don’t want to be prosecuted for their unexplainable wealth.

Datuk Seri, I am extremely sorry that I am unable to assist in any way at this juncture. I also do not have the “get me out of jail” card. I am obligated to you for the contracts; Datin Seri for the calls to banks to sort out my RM500 loan; and the assistance rendered to “get me out of trouble” on many occasions.

It takes a man with a big heart to order enforcement agencies to tutup satu mata (close one eye) on many of my transgressions. For all these, I am indebted to you.

But then, I just watched a tear-jerker on satellite television and wondering if all these are scenes from a Bollywood movie. In movies the bad guys eventually are killed or end up in jail.

Judging from our past actions, our sadhu said that we will be not viewed as good guys. He said: “Be remorseful and repent, you will have a lot of time to that in internment.” I still do not know what he meant. Will I be an intern somewhere? Which company or in Bamboo River resort?

PS: The sadhu also told me that he had warned Datin Seri to stay away from diamonds – stolen, donated or purchased.

There’s danger in those stones as they do not match her appearance and demeanour. She never listened, did she?

All the best, Sir.
Yours, faithfully,
Short Ken

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R. Nadeswaran occasionally delves into satire and is a firm believer that all work and no play make Jack a dull boy.Comments: ctitizen.nades22@gmail.com -Mkini