Billy Bob started a new
construction job on a Tuesday, worked the rest of the week and on the following
Monday morning, calls his foreman.
"Boss,
I'm not going to make it to work today...I'm sick."
He
shows up Tuesday morning, works the rest of the week and the following Monday,
sure enough, he calls the foreman.
"Boss,
not going to make it today...I'm sick.
The foreman calls him
into his office Tuesday morning, sits him down, and says, "Billy, this
calling in on Mondays has to stop. You're a good worker and I don't want to
fire you. Is there something wrong? Drugs, Alcohol?"
Billy Bob replies,
"No, sir. I don't drink or do drugs but my brother in law does. He gets
drunk and beats my sister around. Monday mornings, I visit her, comfort her and
then we have sex."
The foreman's jaw
drops and he asks "Billy, did I hear you right? You're having sex with
your sister?"
Billy Bob replies,
"I told you I was sick!"
Did
you hear about the four walruses who decided to form a rock band?
They have just completed their album and their first single is called, 'I am the Beatle'.
Some people grow old gracefully, while others
fight and scratch the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks
of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed
to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy
sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks
her husband, "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you
say I am"?
Looking over her carefully,
Andy replied, "Judging from your skin, 20; your hair, 18; your eyes, 16
and your figure, 25."
"Oh, you are a
flatterer!" she gushed.
Just as she was about
to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying, "Whoa, hold on there,
sweetie! I haven't added them up yet!"
The cleaning lady comes to the bank manager...
"Can you please
give me the key to the safe vault?"
"What?! What for?"
"It's always so
time-consuming to have to use my hairpin in order to clean it!"
A
guy walks in to see his doctor and the doctor asks, "What seems to be the
problem?"
"I just can't seem to make friends with anyone," the guy replies. "Can you help me, you fat ugly bastard?"
A
manager came up to a guy on his first day and said, I want you to go to all the
tables, scrape the gum off with a butter knife.
And
I was thinking, I'm not doing that. I'm definitely not doing it. But I thought,
why just say, No! The hell with you and get fired! That's boring.
Instead,
I said to him, Yeah, OK. I'll do it. Then, I didn't do it and he came up to me
later: "Did you scrape the gum off the tables? I was like, Oh, yeah, of
course, I did, sure.
And later, he comes up, he goes, you didn't scrape the gum off the tables? I'm like, Ah! No. Damn. Are you going to do it? Yeah, of course, I'm going to do it. The next day, I got fired!
A
man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of
whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.
"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known
you for over fifteen years and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's
going on?"
Without
even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My
wife just ran off with my best friend." He then throws back another shot
of whiskey in one gulp.
"But," says
the other man, "I'm your best friend!"
The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"
Two
priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this
a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.
As soon as the plane
landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts,
shirts, sandals, sunglasses, and etc.
The
next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their “tourist” garb and they
were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery
when a “drop-dead gorgeous” blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight
towards them. They couldn't help but stare and when she passed them, she smiled
and said, “Good morning, Father” - “Good morning, Father,” nodding and
addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.
They
were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests?
The next day they went
back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits - and again settled on
the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc.
After a while, the
same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward
them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses because their eyes were about
to pop out of their heads.)
Again, she approached
them and greeted them individually: “Good morning, Father,” “Good morning
Father,” and started to walk away.
One
of the priests couldn't stand it and said. “Just a minute, young lady. Yes, we
are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?”
“Oh, Father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Angela!”
As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus Gold daily. It will help to keep you alert and mentally sharp. For more information or to order for Memo Plus Gold, please visit : https://oze.my.
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