I considered spoiling my vote, but...

Let’s be perfectly honest, it hasn’t been a great term for the opposition.

They’ve fallen over each other a lot, fought one another to death, and not had the cleanest of clean records. Time and again, they’ve been a let-down, and a source of painful frustration.

Honestly, the last thing I want to do as a voter is give them a blank check of forgiveness and approval.

I guess I’m still voting for Pakatan Harapan anyway.

I’m not voting Harapan because I believe the line that the country will be completely doomed otherwise, or any other fear-mongering propaganda.

I’m not voting Harapan because I can’t stand caretaker prime minister Najib Abdul Razak or his wife, or anyone else for that matter.

I’m voting Harapan, with considerable reluctance, because I believe each citizen has a responsibility to do their best for the country.

This does not mean only voting for the perfect option, it means voting for the better option.

Shattering the glass ceiling

Ultimately, however undeserving though Harapan probably is, a chance to effect change and advance democracy comes sadly for us only once every five years or so.

Some might say that a country that has never experienced a change in government can barely be considered a real democracy.

For me personally, a BN win is not the end of the world. A Harapan win, on the other hand, is not the beginning of a perfect paradise, but there is no doubt that it would be a beginning - a significant milestone, at the very least.

That milestone is the shattering of our biggest glass ceiling - the myth that only one party can govern Malaysia.

As long as a critical mass still believes this, Malaysia is at the mercy of dictators, liars and kleptocrats - all acting with impunity, and continuously stacking the deck in their favour.

My belief and hope is that once we prove that governments can change and be replaced, we sow the seeds for a society that is more empowered to believe in its own agency and importance in the political process.

I suppose at the end of the day, that will be one of the most important justifications for voting for an imperfect opposition.

Tempered expectations

I don’t expect the current leadership of Harapan to affect a sea change with regards to the culture of corruption in the country. For the first few years at least, I imagine we will see exposure and reversal in cases like 1MDB and so on.

Ultimately however, their track record suggests that we should be vigilant regarding Harapan’s own tendencies towards corruption.

I would say the only major justifications for spoiling a vote would be if one worries that an opposition victory now would be followed by political instability and infighting that will turn people off voting against BN for the next few elections.

Other than that, I think that whatever their failings, a Harapan victory will at the very least bring some basic improvements in human rights in Malaysia, and be a step - however tiny - towards moving away from radicalised racial politics.

For human rights cases like deaths in detention, a change in government may literally save lives.

Who I’m voting for

This has also been an opportunity to reflect on what five years really mean.

I work with some college-age students. I realised that in the last elections, they were barely out of primary school, and by the next elections, they will be almost graduating from university.

I also think of some of the older uncles and aunties, some of whom have been fighting for a better Malaysia all their lives - ever dreaming of a government without BN.

Among these, the sad reality is that some may not be around, come GE15.

I only have one vote to give, and a few words to maybe change some minds here and there; but I suppose that even if it’s just fooling myself, I’ll imagine casting my vote not for the top leaders in Harapan, but for these few uncles and aunties.

Here’s hoping you live to see that dream come true.

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NATHANIEL TAN wishes Malaysia a safe and peaceful day of voting, and a brilliant dawn come May 9. - Mkini