7 everyday annoyances that make me grind my teeth

From traffic lights that jump timers to drivers who can’t wait, here are seven little things that test my patience, and maybe yours, too, on Malaysian roads and in daily life.

Picture this: you’re approaching a traffic light, and it’s green; the timer shows 50 seconds – plenty of time to get through; you relax, but the timer suddenly jumps, and now you have only 5 seconds to cover the 50 metres before it turns red. Picture surprise, anger, and loose items in the car flying all over the place.

The reverse is also true. You stop at a red light, and the timer shows plenty of time for you to check your WhatsApp. Then the timer suddenly jumps, and now those behind – and your co-driver – are shouting or honking at you, with loose items once again flying inside the car.

What is it about traffic light timers that fail to keep accurate time? How is it that 50 seconds suddenly becomes 5? There is no logical or technical explanation, except perhaps the ill will or incompetence of those who install and maintain the equipment.

It’s dangerous and annoying, as if there aren’t already enough hazards testing our patience and jeopardising our lives. Technically, that’s not a crime, though one might wish they were.

Welcome to the Top Seven Everyday Annoyances, as generated by the real AI (me!). Seven things that make my nerves flutter, my heart race, and maybe even rupture a few veins on my forehead.

Traffic light timers that randomly skip rank high for both annoyance and danger. But here are a few others, with varying degrees of danger but certainly high as irritants.

No 2: Cramped car parks at buildings

Funnily enough, car parks in old buildings are often more spacious, with wider curves and turns. It’s those in newer buildings that really suck.

I understand the practical issues for architects trying to cram as many cars into the building as possible, with building approval authorities insisting on more valuable space being allocated for safety, comfort, and aesthetics.

That the building exists means the authorities and the architects both won, while we, the users, lose. At one mall (I won’t name it – Publika), the car park entrance is so tight that a guard has to take your payment card and touch it to the sensor for you.

Almost all car parks nowadays are tight, confusing, poorly lit, with bad signage and low-hanging sprinklers – a real nightmare.

No 3: Lack of urinals in male toilets

Of course, architects (again!) would always want to try to minimise the floor space taken up by toilets – right after they minimise the floor space for car parks. But in this case they seem to do it on purpose.

Instead of four people being able to simultaneously use the toilets, now only two can use them. In crowded places such as government clinics, passport offices and the like, you’d better have an extra-strong or extra-large bladder, or else have no shame about going behind the bushes and shrubs (which I, of course, haven’t ever done at all!)

No 4: Misuse of the word ‘proceed’

My favourite is: “Will car owner XYZ 1234 kindly proceed to move your car” or something to that effect. Oh wow, how did they know the name of the car owner? Isn’t it unbelievable how so many Malaysians have “Car Owner” as their first names, and their vehicle registration number as their last?

We don’t say “proceed” in everyday life. We say “go,” because that is the meaning of “proceed.” Only lawyers use it. And we don’t say “car owner XYZ 1234″, we say “owner of car registration number XYZ 1234″. They’re not the same in English, even if they appear to be so in Malaysian English.

No 5: Raiders of the tissue dispenser

They pump the paper dispenser as if it were a winning gambling machine in a casino, just to tear off mounds of tissue paper, which they dump into the wastebasket, hardly used.

To be fair, there’s a silver lining here too. I usually put on a performance to show them how to do it right. I pull one, or at most two, pieces of tissue paper and fastidiously and clinically use it to clean and dry my hands in slow motion, in a grand, sanctimonious gesture shaming those who’ve just annoyed me.

You should see my side-eye glances when I do this! How pleased I am to teach these people some important life lessons without making it look like I’m teaching them.

Or, alternatively, shaming them without making it look like I’m shaming them – because that’s not nice, and also because that could be dangerous for me.

No 6: ‘Kurang manis’ but it’s still sweet

Or either that, the cup comes either fully sweet, or even more annoyingly, with less coffee or tea in it. This happens because the restaurant pre-mixes the coffee or tea with sugar, so the only way they can give you less sugar is by giving you…less coffee or tea!

Malaysian restaurants either don’t understand what “kurang manis” means or ignore it out of some sugar-induced brain fog.

If you care about preventing diabetes, the safest option is often to order a drink with no sugar, or “kosong.” But then, don’t forget, diabetes is Malaysia’s national disease, and these people are just honouring it.

No 7: Sneaky overtaking drivers

And lastly, at number 7: people who want to overtake when I’m stuck in moving traffic and I cannot let them pass unless I make drastic lane changes that could be dangerous for everyone.

I would, of course, ignore them, in which case some will overtake on my left and try to rejoin my lane in front of me. When this happens, I put on my “blur” old man face and just inch ever so slightly forward to close the gap in front.

Now the idiot can’t sneak into that gap. Soon enough, the driver discovers he’s (it’s always a he) been blocked in his own lane as well, as that lane moves slower than mine, and he will try to slip back into his old position behind me.

Here, still with my “blur” old man face, I slightly slow down and close the gap behind me so he cannot get back into his old space. When the stars are aligned, he may only get back into my lane four or five cars further behind.

When the stars are really aligned, you come across an exceptionally idiotic Malaysian driver, so that you can repeat this trick multiple times without the idiot ever figuring out what you’re doing.

Remember, don’t try this trick unless you’re a trained professional who’s practised it for decades and can do the “blur” old man face at will. But to professionals like me, this is the kind of joy we live for, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I, in turn, am on their own list of Everyday Annoyances! - FMT

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.