Sometimes a woman is her own worst enemy. When a man fancies her, and tells her that he has arranged an all-in-one package for an "overseas" wedding, and a honeymoon in Songhkla or HatYai, alarms bells should start ringing.
Why do many Malay girls fall for the oldest trick in the book?
If a woman knows that her boyfriend is married, why does she believe him, when he says that he will leave his wife soon, when the time is right?
Why do some girls not take birth control precautions, and think that by telling him, that a baby is on the way, they will force him to marry them?
When a man fails to get the permission of his first wife, so he has to marry in southern Thailand or another Malaysian state, where the syariah laws are more lax, why does the woman create future problems for herself? Is she just desperate?
If a man fails to register his marriage in Malaysia and does not pay the fine, the wife will encounter problems if he leaves her, because she cannot claim maintenance, as the marriage is not recognised.
The problem is complicated, if a child is on the way, and the husband abandons both mother and baby, so the father will not be named on the child's birth certificate. Love is blind, and many women are either too naive or too trusting.
Islam says that men may take four wives, provided they are treated equally. Some women are unable to see that their husbands cannot cope financially.
When a married man woos another woman, can the prospective wife not see that he will probably repeat his infidelity? Many women think that they can "change" their husband's behaviour. Does a leopard change its spots?
To most girls, the perfect husband is trustworthy, a good communicator, understanding and faithful. In any relationship, there is give and take. The good husband is willing to love her, despite her flaws. He is supportive, dependable and enjoys doing things with his wife. He enjoys pampering her and looks forward to being the father of her children, if both want to start a family. Having a sense of humour is also a bonus.
On March 8, the Perak PAS information chief, Wan Tarmizi Abd Aziz, wrote on his Facebook page (which has now either been deleted or is not for sharing) that women should mark International Women's Day by agreeing to polygamy. He wrote, "Women's Day will be more meaningful if a woman gifts another woman to her spouse as a mark of appreciation of other women."
Wan Tarmizi showed his Ketuanan Lelaki Melayu (KLM) or Malay Male Superiority (MMS) credentials! International Women's Day is about empowering women and his suggestion is the complete opposite of celebrating women's achievements. Moreover, how many countries in the world allow polygamy?
The bigger fools are the women who agree with Wan Tarmizi's suggestion.
Nuridah Mohd Salleh, the head of Muslimat PAS, the women’s wing of PAS agreed with Wan Tarmizi (photo) and said that polygamy was a man’s God-given right. She said, "A man is allowed to marry more than one woman, as stated in Islam. Who are we to question the decision and Islam?”
Nuridah said she did not think it was a problem if a husband wanted to marry another woman. “The husband should discuss the matter with his first wife, beforehand. He must also show that he is capable of providing for the women. If he cannot cope even with one wife then it would be a problem.”
If the truth be told, few men ask their first wives for permission to marry another wife.
Polygamy was introduced during a time when warring tribes left behind many widows and orphans. Men are supposed to marry the widows, or single mothers, but the modern Malay man looks for a younger, prettier version of his older wives. Some of them marry girls who are younger than their daughters.
PAS husbands are looking for submissive and obedient women as wives. So why doesn't PAS stop it? Stop insulting the intelligence of women. Stop telling us that having many wives is the Muslim man's religious right. Stop disrespecting women. Stop making a fool of themselves. Stop exposing their ignorance.
PAS should start listening to single mothers and abandoned wives, because throughout Malaysia, Malay/Muslim women, who have been left in the lurch by delinquent men, want responsible husbands.
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