I’m sorry, can we have a procedure for saying sorry?

 

I’m sorry, but apparently these times call for public apologies. So here’s mine. I’m sorry about whatever happened which you don’t like, or which perhaps you found inconvenient. I take full responsibility for what I did, whatever it is. So there, now leave me alone.

With that, I’m well and truly qualified to be listed among big important people who make the world go round: say, tech billionaires laying off thousands of people to spike their share prices; disgraced politicians facing serious charges in courts; cool business founders who had a great payday while leaving behind scraps for others.

Sorry, but I’m actually not against honest, sincere apologies. They make life a little bit more bearable. We all have some, and perhaps even lots, of things for which we should apologise. I‘m sorry if saying this upsets you.

Sorry, but not sorry. You must admit there’s something jarring with the current sorry state of affairs regarding saying sorry. Public apologies, previously rare, now seem to be commonplace, like gravel on a pothole-ridden Malaysian road – they’re everywhere, an irritation, and there seems to be more of them every day.

What’s it all about?

If you’re a politician who is saying you’re sorry for the sorry state of affairs you either caused or neglected or encouraged, can you please explain what exactly you are apologising for?

It’ll make things easier for us to decide whether to accept your apologies or not. When leaders give praises, they are encouraged to be very precise – not just stating a random and trite “good job!” but to give specific comments pointing out the actual acts that deserve praise. The same is just as true in a mea culpa.

It would help if we can see you making the apology, rather than having to read your apology statement written by your PR hacks. It’s not as if we’re asking you to come to each of us and apologise – although, given often your “sins” are against all of us, why not?

At least your coming to each of us will keep you away from whatever you did that needs apologising for. One more politician or business genius or master of the universe out of action, even if just for a while, isn’t a bad thing at all I’m sorry to say.

The same goes for those who repent and ask for God’s forgiveness. If it’s for your sins against God, that’s fine. But if it’s for your sins against us rakyat, then sorry but not so fine. We need to know everything about what you did before we accept your apologies and support your pursuit of repentance.

After apologising, what’s next?

Here’s the big question: what are you going to do about it, now that you’ve apologised and “taken responsibility” for your mistakes or lapses or infractions or incompetence or negligence.

Talk is cheap. Your saying sorry just makes you the most recent addition to the current trendy crowd of those “apologising and taking full responsibility”. While talk is cheap, the consequences of whatever you did that need apologising for is most certainly not.

If you’ve lost the rakyat money, either by sheer incompetence or negligence or – as it often happens – larceny and malfeasance and corruption, you have to make up for what you’ve lost, with interest!

Say you’re sorry about something specific, then tell us what you’re going to do about fixing it, and then do it. Being contrite purely to escape punishment certainly isn’t accepting responsibility. It’s self-serving, and most certainly not sincere.

Sorry if I scare you, but taking action to show you’re sorry doesn’t have to mean throwing yourself under the bus. But it’s also not OK if saying you’re sorry means throwing others under the bus instead.

Enough drama, already

And, sorry again, but I must admit public opinion can be toxic at times. There are many ill-meaning people probably just like you who enjoy seeing somebody grovel and suffer because that means, for that particular moment anyway, they themselves aren’t grovelling or suffering!

So don’t say sorry just to save your sorry a** (and sorry for not being allowed to fully spell out the word). Don’t do it just to bend public opinion your way. Don’t do it to put on a political drama, because we’ve had enough of that sh** already (sorry!).

Do it the way decent human beings would. Say you’re sorry and be specific about what you’re sorry about. Accept responsibility – don’t just mouth the words – and whatever that comes with it. And do everything within your power to make things whole again.

It’ll be good if we can do it the way assorted Japanese leaders, from politicians to civil servants to businessmen, often apologise in public and take drastic action to show contrition, often by making things good again, or at the very least removing themselves from the stage.

In fact, some in Japanese history in the past went even further than that! But we can skip that part, otherwise who would we have left to sneer and mock while secretly telling ourselves “There but for the grace of God go I”!

Villains and heroes

We also understand in today’s polarised world almost anything that’s wrong with one side is right with the other. A villain, literal or figurative, is also a hero to another crowd. Our collective moral compass often fails us in an increasingly fractured world.

And, bummer: there are scientific studies showing the opposite philosophy – that of “never apologise, never explain” or “Get it over with and let them howl” – is a more effective strategy, at least in politics! It seems apologising increases the likelihood that people will want you punished.

Exhibit 1: Donald Trump, who does and says horrible things, yet keeps getting away with it – for years, nay decades – and who could very well be president of the US again.

That doesn’t say much about Donald Trump the person nor the United States the country. Our own notorious a******s (sorry again) are not in the same league yet, even if the 1MDB theft, for which some are apologising, is pretty world-class in scale and scope.

Follow procedure, please

Somebody should come out with a standard operating procedure for such public apologies. Muftis should come out with fatwas on them, and digital entrepreneurs can produce apps for tracking these apologies. We need to get this done right.

Such digital entrepreneurs can then sell their start-up ventures to state sovereign funds for ridiculous amounts. And if these businesses then fail, just say you’re sorry and you accept responsibility, and go and retire on your profits, if any.

In the best Malaysian tradition, I’d like to apologise if what I’ve said has offended anyone or caused monetary loss to the rakyat. I, too, accept full responsibility for what happened, and will seriously contemplate not ever writing anything ever again, and will go into politics, or perhaps join a digital start-up, instead. - FMT

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.