The harsh reality of life as a Muslim single mother

The plight of Muslim single mothers is an all too common story. However, it is left largely untold because it embarrasses the family, the community and the country’s institutions.

Those who have been abandoned by their husbands struggle to feed themselves and their children. Despite court decisions that the men must pay alimony and maintenance for the children, many single mothers say they receive no money due to poor enforcement.

The problem of errant former husbands has been around for a long time. Many women are desperate to find work but must pay for childcare while they are on the job. Those with no skills at all are the hardest hit. They work two or three jobs just to bring home enough money to feed their families.

If they have sympathetic parents who are able to feed and take care of the children while they are at work, the burden of these women is somewhat reduced.

But what happens if the parents live in a rural area where job opportunities are scarce and there is no work for the woman or school for her children to attend? What will she do if her parents are poor and cannot provide financial assistance?

A few days ago, it was reported that a 30-year-old single mother from Kuala Terengganu had pleaded guilty to prostituting herself. She was arrested in a raid by the state’s religious affairs department on a hotel on Sept 17.

She pleaded guilty to the charge under Section 25 of the Syariah Offences Enactment (Takzir) 2001 and may be jailed for up to three years, fined RM5,000 and whipped six times. Her sentence will be decided on Sept 27.

She said she would be unable to pay the fine as her husband has not paid any alimony.

This woman’s story is repeated across the length and breadth of Malaysia. The same problems affect single mothers from all walks of life, the rich as well as the poor.

The shariah courts are lax when it comes to enforcement. How is a mother to cope when she has children under her care? It is a sad fact that some resort to prostitution to pay the bills.

What would you have done? In some cases, society looks down on these women, calling them failures because their husbands have left them. But why are women conveniently made the scapegoat? Ask any single mother about the prospect of attending a shariah court to fight her case, and you will hear a depressing story.

One woman told me she tried to divorce her husband after he committed adultery with their maid. However, he refused to divorce her and instead disappeared. She suspected that he had returned to his parents, but they were unwilling to disclose his whereabouts as they knew she wanted to serve the court papers on him.

She tried to apply for the divorce anyway, but the court kept postponing the trial because the man refused to turn up.

“I had to pay the lawyer to attend,” she said. “It cost me money as I had to travel to the court. I had to pay a childminder as I did not know when the case would end.

“I took time off from work, but after several unproductive court sessions which my former husband did not attend, my employer told me to look for another job. He said it disrupted his company schedule as he had to find temporary staff to fill in for me while I went to court.

“My lawyer told the court that my former husband refused to attend, so they asked the police to help locate him and arrest him if he failed to appear in court. When I went to court four weeks later, the court had failed to inform the police, so they had not brought him to court. A new date had to be set.

“I could not take this any more. I waited several months for something to happen, but it was depressing. Some of my friends said it took them several years to finalise their divorce, by which time their husbands claimed they could not afford to pay for their children.

“I paid the lawyers as they were demanding payment. I was also out of pocket and could not afford to waste anymore time chasing the shariah court to act.”

And today, we wonder why some single mothers prostitute themselves.

Shariah courts are often quick to punish the women, but slow to make the men pay alimony.

Society has failed these women. Instead of whipping the shariah courts into shape, we whip women who are only trying to survive. Meanwhile, the men escape scot-free – unfaithful and irresponsible husbands as well as those who solicit sexual favours.

Shame on us and shame on the shariah courts.

Mariam Mokhtar is an FMT columnist.