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21 JUNE 2026

Sunday, July 12, 2026

Watching England is bad for your health

 Two goals from the brilliant Jude Bellingham were enough to edge England into the semi-finals over a battling Norway in a tense struggle that went to extra time.

Behind to a stunning goal by Andreas Schjelderup, England responded and thought they had taken the lead before half-time, only for Harry Kane to be correctly adjudged offside. (EPA Images pic)
PETALING JAYA:
England do it the hard way.

The Hard Rock Stadium was an appropriate venue for this narrow win over Norway, but England always make a meal out of what should be a light snack.

For the second time in the tournament, they have had to come from behind to win.

And they found it desperately hard to break down the 19th ranked nation who were on a high after knocking out Brazil in the Round of 16.

Edging out the 65th ranked Democratic Republic of Congo in the Round of 32 was even harder. They were behind with 14 minutes left.

But hardest of all was Mexico, whom they edged out in an absolute epic in the Azteca.

England captain Harry Kane speaking toi referee Clement Turpin after Norway scored the opening goal. (EPA Images pic)

Watching England’s footballers is not good for the health – regardless of who you support.

It’s worse for England fans, of course, but opponents cannot relax either, as even out of dross the Three Lions can find a diamond.

And in Jude Bellingham, they have a 24-carat jewel, who glittered again when they desperately needed him.

It went to extra time only for Jude Bellingham to pop up with a poacher’s goal after which England, with desperate defending and fresh legs, just held on. (EPA Images pic)

But it was a close-run thing against the Vikings who looked the more likely winners for much of normal time in the sweltering heat of Miami.

It was also a classic example of the genre.

England put their fans through the sort of agonies that should be banned by the Geneva Convention.

Just when you think they’re going to do it, there’s a misplaced pass, a poor clearance, something that dashes your dream.

Millions of silent sufferers, blood pressure off the charts, heart rate in the hundreds, praying that it will come home.

England defender Djed Spence went down under a challenge from Oscar Bobb, but the decision was reversed after a video review. (EPA Images pic)

But still they watch in the faint hope that this country, which invented the game and has the best league in the world, will one day win its ultimate prize.

The lone victory in 1966 is so far back now as to belong to a different, sepia-tinted age. To millennials, it almost doesn’t count.

Winning the World Cup and England are not thoughts that normally belong in the same sentence.

If Norway had won, a quarter-final appearance would have been seen as a par performance by England.

Erling Haaland was substituted in the extra time interval, sparking injury fears. (EPA Images pic)

That’s where they finished in 2022 and on no less than seven occasions from 1954. There was an inevitability about it.

Red cards, own goals, but most of all missed penalties were their undoing.

Only three times have they advanced. Besides 1966, they made the semis in 2018 and now again in 2026.

There was a sense it would never happen. No matter how hard they try. And they have certainly tried. They’ve tried everything.

Now they are trying a German manager who looks like he’s having a heart attack and a nervous breakdown at the same time.

That said, Tommy Tuchel seems to get his calls right. Positive, decisive and he has the players clearly buying into his methods.

But compared to France, they are foot soldiers to artists. To Spain, they are buskers to a symphony orchestra. To Argentina, they are dogged but beatable.

If the world champions overcome Switzerland, the top four ranked nations will contest the semi-finals.

Vindication for FIFA’s complex system but, in all honesty, England have struggled to get there.

What makes the national team’s performance so frustrating is that English clubs are dominating European football.

Almost half the English Premier League will take their places in the three tournaments for the coming season.

But of course, most of the players are not English. Only a third are eligible for the England manager, while foreign teams see their stars hone their skills at the highest level.

There is also no discernible style of play. It’s functional at best and largely depends on old-fashioned grit, a good keeper and a stubborn defence to get through.

And up front, a goal poacher. Harry Kane has carried the burden for a decade but now he has company: Bellingham has joined him to snaffle the half-chances.

But there’s hope, there’s always hope. Two semi-finals in three World Cups is a marked improvement.

They couldn’t, could they?

But it will be a hard watch. - FMT

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